### Explosive Flatulence Epidemic Strikes Local Children's Playground **Byline: Dr. Elias Windbreaker, Chief Meteorologist of Bodily Emissions** In a shocking turn of events, Springfield Children's Playground has become ground zero for an unprecedented flatulence catastrophe, triggered by the invasive Marijuanica plant. Eyewitnesses report that toddlers, upon nibbling the glowing green leaves mistaken for candy, unleashed gaseous torrents capable of toppling swings and bending slide ladders. Health officials warn the Marijuanica, a mutant hybrid of marijuana and jackfruit, induces hyper-flatulence, propelling children skyward like human rockets. One boy, little Timmy Toot, hovered 50 feet aloft for 20 minutes, raining thunderous blasts that shattered nearby windows. Evacuations are underway as the EPA deploys hazmat-suited "Fart Busters." Playground closed indefinitely. "This is no laughing matter," declared Mayor Puffington. "Our skies are now a no-fly zone for pigeons." (Word count: 128)